sometimes it sucks to humanize people. because when you do, they’re so much harder to:

first it was that darn brett kunkle from stand to reason. he was easy to dislike when i just thought he was two-dimmensional blog guy. he was rather completely impossible to dislike once he drove down to san diego and we had lunch and shared life stories and all that stuff i say i believe in.

now, last week it was amy and roger from the a-team blog. harumph. my life was much more nicely segregated into ‘keep at arms distance’ and ‘hug’ categories until i had dinner with them.

tony jones had initiated dinner with the stand to reason peeps and the a-team peeps, during the national pastors convention last week, and invited me to join in the *fun*. it seems the whole lot of ‘em (doug pagitt was there also, and a couple professors — roger blogged about it here — retired to a zondervan suite to have a quiet conversation about substantive theological stuff. but i had to leave before that, and joined them all for the two hours in a noisy restaurant. i would have enjoyed listening in on the meatier stuff, i’m sure. but the truth is: it was great to sit between brett and roger, and across from amy, and not be able to hide in the really-smart-guys-club at the end of the table (tony, doug, greg k from str, and a prof from talbot named scott, i think). it forced roger and i to talk. and it forced amy and i to lean in (to overrule the background noise) and talk. and we didn’t talk about what we disagree on. we didn’t talk about postmodernism or modernism of apologetics or brian mclaren. we talked about our lives, and why we do what we do. we laughed. we didn’t cry, but — heck — we might have if it weren’t for the really bad piano bar entertainer in the next room (shoot, he almost made us cry!).

roger and amy have both emailed me since — very nice emails, both tracing back to our ugly days in august. i’m sure i could find 100 things i disagree with them on. and i’m sure they could find 200 things they disagree with me on. but meeting people face-to-face forces us into one of those “well, look at that, we can find 1000 things we agree on” situations.

so, i’m going to the airport to await the arrival of deb from lighthouse trails research. she’s just got to be my next ex-nemesis, doesn’t she?

i love tech gadgets. i have a pretty nifty phone that easily handles email or booking tickets online or synchronizing with my outlook calendar. i have a good-enough iPod (the now obsolete mini). i have a very slick sony vaio widescreen laptop. i have bose noise-cancelling headphones.

but one thing i do not have, that i really, really, really want, is tivo (or some other digital tv recording device). i still have an old vcr i can hook up in emergencies, though i didn’t get around to it last night. and because we had dinner guests over, i missed 24. i was told today by friends that if i allow this to happen again, i will be kicked out of the fan club (said in jest, as i am not part of any official fan club). i actually caught the last five minutes — so i know how it ended. and those who saw it filled me in on the important details.

but i only have two favorite shows: 24, and the apprentice. and now, thanks to the dorks of network tv programming, those two shows are running head-to-head on monday nights at 9pm. with tivo, this would be no problem, and i would seamlessly follow watching 24 with a commercial-free viewing of the apprentice. or the other way around, if my little heart so desired. i reseached the devices this weekend, and found i can get one for $160, or a better one for $220. and that’s certainly not insane. but we still have a chunk of credit card debt we’re trying to get rid of, and our family room carpeting and furniture (the very place i would watch these shows) is in desperate need of replacement, now that our room-mauling dog is 2 and mostly past his wellspring-0f-infinite-destruction days. so tivo is, reasonably — i’m forced to admit — not at the top of the wise expenditure list.

after teh 5 minutes of 24 last night, jeannie and i sat numbly in front of a&e’s rollergirls (which i’d read about, but not seen); i, in mourning. i’m pouting. can you see it from there?

during my sabbatical, i had a spiritual practice of going for a walk every day for an hour, while reflecting on one of ten questions given to me by my friend and advisor, mark dowds (the walking and reflecting was followed by another 30 - 60 minutes of journaling, the old-fashioned way, with a pen and paper). they were great questions — maybe i’ll post them seperately. anyhow, i’m not much of a walker - i have wimpy feet. but walking on the beach in hawaii at sunset kinda jump-started the plan. so when i returned home for the second two-weeks of my sabbatical, it wasn’t difficult to keep up the discipline. a few times, back at home, i went for a walk on a beautiful path through the woods behind our old house (2 miles from where we live now). it’s about a mile-long loop, and has a great variety of visuals, from brushy scrub (almost tumbleweed) and drooping willows, and ending in an aromatic and peaceful stand of eucalyptus trees.

one day, i was on my walk, and max (8 years-old) asked jeannie where i was. she explained. his response was, “really? i want to go on a walk!” jeannie assumed he just wanted to get out, and started talking about how they could go on a walk together. max interrupted: “no, i mean, i want to go on a walk by myself!” then he stopped, realizing this would never be possible for him at his age. his face fell, and he said, “i’m too little. you’d never let me go on a walk by myself. but i wish i could.”

the next day, the three of us planned the walk and drove to the starting point. max had a backpack with an apple, a piece of string cheese, a bottle of water, and jeannie’s cell phone. jeannie set out on the path, creating the front bumper. when she was barely in sight (probably a couple-hundred yards), i told him he could start walking. i waited until he was the same distance, then i set out, as the back bumper. at one point he ran up to jeannie to get help opening his string cheese. and at one point he climbed onto a rock to eat his apple and yelled out to me as i approached, “hi dad! i’m just resting for a bit and eating my apple!” i waited at a distance, because i didn’t want to disturb his plans for a walk by himself.

i’ll cherish this story for a long time, because it’s a little window into max’s depth. he said he loved it, and we should do it again, but he didn’t want to talk about what he’d spent his time thinking about (which is fair, they were his thoughts to hide if he wished). but last night we were retelling this to a friend, and another friend who’d previously heard it said: “i love the max part of the story. but i also love how marko and jeannie were a great picture of god — that god goes to great lengths to give us the desires of our hearts, that god is willing to set up the safety and boundaries (be the front and back guard), and help us pack our little backpack, all so we can have our walk in the woods.”

i’m not trying to play god. but i did like that thought of the multiple imagery of max’s desire to walk by himself.

ok, there is no sense where i am supporting polygamy with this. but ya have to admit that this guy’s name is funny, given the quantity of wives and kids.

(ht to dave barry)

i finished reading (by sue monk kidd) this past weekend. when i was 2/3 through it, i’d posted (here) that, while i like her writing so much, i was fairly certain i wasn’t going to like how this book wrapped up. well, i was wrong. i suppose sue monk kidd wouldn’t be a bestselling author if she didn’t know how to land the plane. the book has massive themes of redemption and forgiveness and feminine-empowerment. lots of great god-stuff, too. but it wasn’t an easy-breezy-lemon-squeezy read for me: the main character’s awakening is wonderful and important and gives her new life. but she chooses a somewhat destructive path to get there. and the rub for me (and, really, if i’m being honest, the strength of the book and what makes it not just a simple cookie cutter story) is that i can’t tell if the author thinks that path was actually destructive or a mixture of beautiful-and-some-unfortunate-destruction. so, bottom line: i did really like the book, and it’s more loaded than a good potato skin with deeper levels of meaning and imagery. but it was not 100% settling for me — which, in the end, is part of its strength.

this morning, and old junior high student of mine (i mean old both in terms of how long ago she was in my junior high ministry, and in light of the fact that she is presently 28 or something like that) found an old photo of me and emailed it to me. my best attempt at dating this would put it at about 1990, and was during my omaha era (read here for the end of that era). i’m pretty sure this is a missions trip setting (the vans, the building in the background). and please do notice those faddish loud weightlifting pants that were all the rage for about two weeks (and i think i bought two pair on the last day of those two weeks).

so gimme a caption. finalists are any caption that bring any form of audible from me — a chuckle, groan, whatever. i’ll modify this post with the contenders, then pick a winner by wednesday noon. winner gets a book of their choice from ys (ooh, big prize!), and the admiration of so many others.

contenders:

Omaha News 1990 Archive:
Youth Pastor Mark Oestreicher taking his church youth to Ron Luce’s “Acquire the Fire 3.” (brian aaby)

“These Omaha kids just don’t get the Chinese Firedrill do they?” (again, from brian aaby)

“Do these pants make my butt look big?” (david)

Shooting for the new retro film
“Dude, where’s my youth group?” (saulier)

Baggy pants -$25.00, Neon Hat - $10.00. Having old pictures of you show up on the internet… priceless. (tom atkinson)

hey, do you think these pants will work for my new rex kwan do class? (bobbie)

Omaha World-Herald 1990 Archive:
Youth Pastor Mark Oestreicher dreams of ditching mission trip vans and personally buying a jeep. (d. scott miller — this one got a groan, either you took a cheney-like unknowing shot and hit, or you have a very good memory of my omaha story, scott!)

“They thought my Jeep was unsafe, but they want me to drive one of THESE?” (clint walker, leaning into the omaha story in my link)

WINNER:

i’m sure my winning pick isn’t as funny for others as it is for me, but d. scott miller’s fake headline:
Omaha World-Herald 1990 Archive:
Youth Pastor Mark Oestreicher dreams of ditching mission trip vans and personally buying a jeep.
showed a witty insight into the ‘darkside’ of my otherwise lovely omaha days that caught me off guard! scott, you win!

my eight year-old son is good at saving money (unlike my 12 year-old daughter). max saved all fall, and combined that with christmas gift money to buy a bird — a cockatiel — and all the stuff that goes with it. he named the bird sammy, and has been a great pet owner. so what’s a parent to do when the bird gets his little leg caught in a wire on the cage and breaks it? we didn’t do anything for 24 hours, wondering if the leg would, well, correct itself. but when, the next day, the leg was still protruding back and to the side at an unnatural angle, it was time for the vet. now, $180 later, sammy has had an exam, an x-ray (jeannie and max saw it, just like a human x-ray at a doctor’s office), and a cute-and-pathetic little leg splint. they actually had to “set” his leg (which seems about like ’setting’ a one-millimeter twig to me). i seriously gulped at the cost, and had sammy been a gift from us, i might have just suggested we get another bird instead — 1/2 the price. but, well, max had been so meticulous about saving that money and being responsible. we did have him ‘pitch in’ on the cost of the vet, so he’d have a sense of it. i just hope that’s a once-in-a-bird-lifetime affair!

ok,here it is, my new tattoo. it’s on my left arm, up by the shoulder.

right before i left for hawaii (which was the first two weeks of my sabbatical), jeannie said to me, “you’re not going to surprise me and come home with a new tattoo, are you?” i said, “of course not!” i hadn’t even thought of it. but — dang it! — she put the idea in my head! and a few days later as i was walking along the beach, watching the sunset, meditating on rebirth and how this sabbatical was (i hoped, at that point) going to rejuvenate me in a significant way (which, in hindsight, it did), and the concept of a phoenix popped into my head. also popping into my head was the idea of how cool it would be to ‘mark’ my sabbatical as a turning point by getting a phoenix tattoo! the phoenix is a mythical bird that symbolizes rebirth. when the phoenix dies (you can see this in one of the harry potter movies!), it spontaneously combusts, and is then reborn out of the flames.

a couple days later i had a chat with jeannie about it on the phone, and we agreed to both think about it. on the next chat, we agreed it would be a good ’stake in the ground’ for me — an ebeneezer, as it were. i got a recommendation on a good tat place in lahaina, and visited their shop. i saw a few phoenix designs, but none were perfect. i found one, though, that had a great design (the top 2/3 of my tattoo) that i liked, but i really wanted the flames. the artist and i worked together to drop the tail feathers of the bird, and substitute flames. and the night before i came home, i spent 45 minutes gritting my teeth and intermittantly holding my breath, erecting the ebeneezer.

this is my third tattoo, and all of them have significant spiritual meaning for me. the other two are clearly christian symbols (both celtic: one a knot that symbolizes the trinity, and the other ‘the cross of saint patrick’ with words from patrick’s prayer written around it — ‘before me, behind me, beneath me, within me’, identifying my connection to christ). this one is not an overt christian symbol, but is no less about my faith. it symbolizes my belief and constant desire that god desires to, and is, constantly remaking me, transforming me into the person he wants me to be. it is a symbol of great hope for me, and a reminder to me of my commitment to enter willingly into the (sometimes painful) transforming process of life in the way of jesus.

anyone with a helicopter view of the american youth ministry scene would know that ron luce and acquire the fire are not exactly on the exact same page as me and youth specialties. i mean, in external ways, we do many similar things, namely, we care about youth workers and teenagers and connecting them with jesus. but i think it’s fair to say we haven’t had a ‘warm’ history — until last may.

prior to last may, ron and i had both assumed and spoken negatively about each other and each other’s ministries, certainly privately, and, to some extent, publicly. we really ticked off ron with a stupid article in youthworker journal a couple years ago, and that set off a chain of events that added fuel to both our fires.

it was clearly not honoring to god.

i’d been sensing for a few months, prior to last may, that this couldn’t continue. i had the distinct impression (in these exact words) that we were “breaking the heart of god”. then came a fateful or god-ordained day last may when ron and i were both speaking at the same youth ministry event. i knew this was the day something would change — but i’ll give him credit here, he took the first step. ron came to my seminar, and sat through the entire thing, even waiting for me while i chatted with people afterward. we didn’t need any small talk — even though we’d never met face-to-face. we both knew. and we both knew we were about to spend a chunk of time together. we tried to go to the green room, but it was full of interns for the event we were attending. but across the street was a large park. so in a very ‘lifetime channel movie of the week’ moment, ron luce and mark oestreicher went for a walk in the park, cried together, asked and received and gave forgiveness, made commitments to each other, and prayed together (holding hands, even!). it was a huge god-moment, at least for me.

fast forward a few months: i get asked by ron’s office to write an endorsement for a book of his. i don’t have time at the moment, and can use that as my excuse (ron and i had, after all, on that day in may, agreed that we would continue to disagree with one another about many things, even though we would not make assumptions, and would support one another in prayer). in early december they came back again and asked if i had time, that they would need the endorsement by the end of december. i said i would consider it, and they sent me a printout of the book: revolution ym (for revolution youth ministry). i had a very heavy sense of conviction that i needed to endorse this, but wasn’t sure how. then i read the book. it was peppered with language i would never use (and language that bugs me) — particularly the expected massive use of war metaphors for youth ministry. however, it was also clearly a book with tons of great stuff in it — practical help and straight-shooting insight. so i sat down and wrote this endorsement:

Ron Luce and I might use different words, but we share the same passionate heart to see youth workers equipped to reach teenagers with the life-changing message of Jesus. Revolution YM is chock-full of practical steps youth workers can take to build a youth ministry instead of merely building a youth group.

but i didn’t have anywhere to send it, and ron’s asst didn’t return my call, and the holidays hit, and it sat on my computer desktop, and was forgotten.

almost.

yesterday, ron’s new assistant called asking if i would consider writing an endorsement for ron’s new book. i said, ‘you mean, revolution ym?’ she said, ‘yes.’ i said, ‘if you give me your email address, you’ll have the endorsement in about 30 seconds.’

i don’t know how they’ll use it, or even if they’ll use it. but i feel i have done the right thing, and what i sensed god was asking me to do. i am now an endorser of ron luce!

this morning, the publisher of youth specialties, jay howver, and his amazing wife, jen (former ys marketing dept staff member, currently doing contract work for ys as well as a dozen other ministry orgs) are pulling onto the freeway and driving to colorado. it’s not a vacation: it’s a move. jen and jay have been a massive gift to ys over these last few years, and a massive gift to me. jay has become one of my closest confidants, an exceptional and trustworthy friend, and a brilliant and tirelessly creative co-worker. the good news is: jay’s not leaving ys or his role as our publisher. he’s just moving the location of his desk, so to speak. somehow (who can explain this?), san diego has never been a perfect fit for them, and they have longed to get back to colorado. i’m condensing a long explanation into one sentence there, but that’s the basic gist of it. of all the employees in our publishing group, only jay and roni (our managing editor) were still located here in our san diego offices. the others are in princeton, nj, grand rapids, mi, the san fran bay area, and one more who’s ‘on the road’ and we never quite know where she’ll be at any given moment! so they’ve learned to work as a team completely remotely, using IM and phone and a cool online collaborative space called ‘basecamp’. jay being in colorado will make no difference to his role as publisher or his team.

but i’ll miss him.

he’ll come to san diego monthly, and we have hopes that our time together will even be more intentional, and, therefore, even better. but it’s change — relational change. and i can feel the distance as i picture him behind the wheel of that rental truck, heading east at this very moment.