how would you like to go through junior high with this name?

in the december 1974 issue of the wittenburg door (cover: woody allen named theologian of the year), mike yaconelli, the late founder of youth specialties, interviewed himself about a planned move away from youth specialties to being a small town pastor (he ended up not leaving ys, and started doing both). here’s an excerpt from that ‘interview’:

mr. y.: mike, the wittenburg door has learned through informed sources that you are leaving youth specialties. is that correct?
mike: yes, it is.
mr. y.: in light of this development, even though you are a close personal friend, i’d like to ask you some hard questions.
mike: go right ahead.
mr. y: why are you leaving youth specialties?
mike: if you have read my articles in the wittenburg door in the past few years, you would have noticed my rather strong disillusionment with the organized institutional church. it has been very difficult to be optimistic in the face of a structure that has allowed the american culture to define it. by that i mean it continues to espouse a theology and practice that has been culturalized to the point of impotence. the ‘liberal’ response has been to emphasize a weak social platform based on an anemic social gospel while the ‘evangelicals’ have countered with a sentimental doctrinal isolationism. both are repugnant. both are so structuralized that change is almost impossible. that, in very general terms, is the source of my disillusionment.
mr. y.: wow. would you like to say more?
mike: well, yes, thank you. i use the word disillusionment purposely. i could have used disgust, disdain, or rejection. but disillusionment suggests shattered expectation or better a frustrated hope. because i’ve always had hope for the church. i love it. i need it. and although most of my critics read my criticism of the church as dishonest camouflage of my own inadequacies, god seems to have taken me seriously and called my hand….

in the summer of 2004, i gave a seminar at the greenbelt festival in england, called “don’t listen to US: spiritual junk from the states you don’t want to import”. i presented a modified version of that seminar at our youth workers convention in argentina this past september. then, i presented “a rant from a runt on where the church is falling short” at all three national youth workers conventions this fall. several have asked me to post the content of this seminar. so this post is the first of a 10-part series.

Some really critical preliminary stuff:

1. i absolutely love the church. my life calling, deep in my bones and soul and mind and heart, is to serve the church. as such, my comments about where we might be missing the mark are not shots across the bow of a church i have walked away from. quite the contrary, i’m sticking in there with the church and will do whatever god allows me to do to challenge, serve, encourage and course-correct, for the rest of my life.

2. this perspective (as i’ve described in the previous point) has been part of the DNA of youth specialties for a very long time - as you can see in the 1974 yaconelli quote above. i think this is a big part of why i was drawn to ys. i want to change the church, because i love the church. and i think youth ministry is one of the best avenues for bringing that change.

3. i am tired of rants against “those” people. this is a particularly common theme in blogland. this rant is not against “those” people. i’m pointing the finger at myself. ys has played a role in creating, or at least encouraging, some of these problems. i, personally, have played a role; and continue to do so. i’m pointing my small, rather powerless, finger at me, and at us — not them (whoever ‘they’ might be).

4. i realize that many of these problems or tendancies are not unique to the american church. some are more than others. but this is stuff i see us exporting — and that is a great concern.

5. there are a crazy wide variety of churches in america. any generalization i make has exceptions. i’m talking about what i call ‘the pop-culture church’: mostly-conservative evangelicalism, the kind of church we see in mega-churches and TV and popular Christian publishing. the pop-culture church is the church that has the most influence in american culture, that gets the most attention from american media, and does the most exporting to other cultures. that said: i am part of the pop-culture church! so, again, this is not about ‘them’ — it’s about me and us.

next, in part 2: what’s unique about us americans that might give us a hint as to why the church is the way it is?

my little sitemeter freeware (very cool stuff, btw), allows me to peek at ‘referrals’ (what URL people come to this blog from). about 3/4 are blocked or unknown, but the rest are quite interesting. it has allowed me to see how many readers come over from the lighthouse trails press release, or — today — from the lovely carla at emergentno, who, because i commented a one-sentence factual clarifier, has posted about me! welcome, emergentno readers! you are welcome here anytime. and, there, carla — blog traffic favor returned!

anyhow.

that’s not the point of this post.

the referrals also allow me to see something quite fun: google (or msn or whatever) searches that lead to this blog. so i can click on the referral link and see, for instance, that someone searched on msn search for “strategic planning bowling” and my blog tops the findings! now, why someone would be searching “strategic planning bowling” is a bit beyond me — as is, frankly, why i ever had those three words in a post.

but i just clicked on one, and saw that someone had searched for “” — and wouldn’t you guess, my poor burgandy mist strat once again climbs the list. sigh.

i gotta get me some o’ this.

(thanks steve case)

behold the scripture, “the eye is the lamp of the body. if your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.” (matthew 6:22) this is the basis for these beauties. i wish they had a pic of adam and eve actually wearing them, pre-foliage-clothing!

i’ve been to more than some, less than many. but i thought this was a fun map generator of countries i’ve visited. there’s one for the US also (a “states visited”), but i didn’t bother, as i’ve been to all but vermont and idaho.

(ht to my newly blogging friend, dave palmer)

please, god, please, please, god, please, please, please and a very, god, don’t let this become the next youth ministry fad.

(ht to mikey at think christian)

so, i stumbled on about some escaped chipmunks in the UK (ht to dave barry). and, um, i’m a bit confused about this line, referring to the missing furballs of death:

They are also known to scoff chicks and birds’ eggs.

maybe they meant scarf, as in eat? but the image of four renegade british chipmunks scoffing chicks and birds’ eggs — well, that has “the newest animated disney movie” written all over it.

chester (chipmunk #1, the tough one): ‘ey, blokes, look… chicks!

niles (chip #2, the follower): yeah, let’s scoff ‘em!

alfred (chip #3, the smart one — can you picture his tiny bow tie?): wait, chaps, are we supposed to scoff chicks, as in baby chickens? or are we supposed to scoff chicks, as in stylish human females?

simon (chip #4, the clueless one — all male foursomes in movies have one clueless one): i want tea?

the possibilities are just about endless. does posting this on my blog constitute my copyright of this cash-magnet of a script nexus?

i just got this email from a youth worker, and asked if i could share her story. wonderful story. i told her she’s one of the best “success stories” of the convention i’ve heard…

Mark,

I don’t know if this email will find its way to you, but I wanted to write you to thank you and the YS Staff for an amazing and life-changing weekend in Nashville. By the time I returned home to the Washington, D.C. area, I felt as if I had be stretched, amused, convicted, encouraged, loved, challenged- well, let’s just put it this way- the box that my life once fit into has now exploded as a result of the awesome speakers and seminars that I went to. I was amazed at how God spoke to me through this experience.

You see, I’m a volunteer youth leader at my church. In order to pay my bills, I am a lawyer (don’t ask how I got into that racket- I really think it was an ADHD moment on my part that inspired me to do that in the first place!). I first felt God calling me to Youth Ministry in the Spring of 2003. At that point, I started hanging out with the kids in our Youth Group. It was at that time that I discovered that Washington, D.C. is a mission field, and that our little Episcopal Church was as well! But, the following fall, God sent Joy to us to be our Youth Minister. Over the past year, He has worked through Joy in amazing ways, not only in our students’ lives, but in mine as well.

Over the summer, we went on a missions trip with LeaderTreks. It was here that I felt God calling me to get even more involved in youth ministry. I was all set to sign on full-time! But, I still had to pay the bills. At that time, I was working at a fancy law firm, collecting credit card debt. I had a cushy “pleather” chair, wooden desk accessories, and an office with a window and a terrific view of the parking garage- I was even one of the few people allowed to go into the “Executive Kitchen” to get the coffee that didn’t have grinds still in it! But, as I grew in my walk with God, I realized that my work was not glorifying to the Lord, so I started searching for other employment. I felt God calling me to JUMP OUT of that job, as I could see where the practices of my employers and clients were oppositional to God’s Word. BUT, I thought to myself, and my husband agreed, that to quit a job without having another one lined up was folly- even if the reason for quitting was that I felt that I was actually working for the devil every day. So, we waited, and I started looking for other employment. In the meantime, things went downhill rapidly at work. I kept thinking that when God commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, He didn’t give Abraham an alternative sacrifice. He just told him to do it. And Abraham did, trusting that God would handle it. And God was faithful. But, I waited, and continued to send out resumes.

And then, I got a phone call from my husband. He told me to look at the Washington Post’s Employment Section. So I did. And I saw my job there. My cushy “pleather” chair, my wooden desk accessories, and my office with the window and the terrific view of the parking garage. You see, I’d been told before at work that I didn’t really fit in. That my faith was “offensive” to my colleagues. That I had to be something other than myself to really make it in the “corporate culture.” So, I went in the next day, packed my things, and turned in my letter of resignation. That was in early September.

I was so sure that God would provide me with employment. After all, it seemed that the loss of my job was clearly the work of His hand. I realized through all of it that I already had a “REAL JOB”- that reality isn’t mortgage payments or grocery bills- reality is the Kingdom of Heaven. So, I decided that my REAL JOB is youth ministry. Great. Totally shifted my thinking. No longer would I identify myself as Rebecca Drury, Attorney at Law, with the comfy chair, the nice paycheck, and the picture of the 2005 Mustang Cobra taped to my filing cabinet. Instead, I would identify myself as Rebecca Drury- the gal with a passion for building relationships with teenagers and impacting them with the amazing news of Jesus Christ- oh, and by the way, I pay the bills by being a lawyer. Great. A paradigm shift. Okay, God, now for that paycheck…

But the paycheck still hasn’t come. I still don’t have a job. I don’t even want to be a lawyer. But I gotta pay the bills. Sure, I don’t NEED a house or a car or clothes- but they would be nice, ya know? So, that’s where I was at when I got on a plane for Nashville.

And, thanks to y’all at Youth Specialties, and to the Holy Spirit speaking to me that weekend, absolutely everything and nothing has changed. Sure, my circumstances remain the same- I can’t buy my husband that X-Box that he wants for Christmas- heck, I can’t even buy new pants, even though mine keep falling down and have a rip in them! At the close of the final session, we were told to ask God what He is asking us to JUMP INTO or JUMP OUT OF. Well, I’ve already jumped out of my cushy pleather chair. But when I asked God what next, He said, “Be still.” So, here I am. Still. But, what has changed is that I am okay with that. I can be still, and I can be silent. And I can feel God’s loving presence right here with me, and within me. Yeah, the bank might forclose on our mortgage- but I am dwelling in the LORD! I can’t imagine a better place to live here on this earth.

So, I don’t know if I can be defined as one of YS’s “Success Stories.” I didn’t find a pot of gold, or even a clear calling. I’m still an out-of-work lawyer, praying for a calling into full-time, paid ministry. But now, I’m so much more than that. I am a worshipper of Jesus, Son of the Most High God. I have been given the PRIVILEDGE to have a RELATIONSHIP with my Creator, my Redeemer, and my Sustainer. I have been touched by the hand of God, and He has assurred me of His presence in my life.

So, perhaps His gift is hope, because I feel hopeful about the future. Or maybe it’s faith, because I just know that I am safe in His hands. Then again, perhaps it’s joy, because as bad as my circumstances get, I can’t seem to wipe off this silly smile that seems to be stuck on my face- just thinking of how God reached out to me is more than my little heart can handle- I gotta smile! Or perhaps His gift is actually peace, because I am not afraid of the future. Actually, I believe that God’s gift to me in Nashville is simply Him- His love, His presence, His delight in me.

I thank you, and the rest of the Youth Specialties staff and speakers for allowing God to use you in this way and in my life.

May your ministry be blessed.

Sincerely,

for the very first time in my life (at least that i can remember), i walked out of my own church.

but let me back up 30 minutes.

my church is in the midst of a series on the art of god — good stuff. i’ve missed the last two or three weeks, but was stoked about going to church this morning. i got there just as the singing started, so didn’t notice what was on stage until i’d found a seat in the middle of a row, near the front. then i noticed the large cylindar of clay on a wheel. i remembered that we were having a potter for one of the services in this series, and instantly felt dread. they’ve been at our church (it’s a husband/wife team; he throws pots and talks, she sings) more than once in the past, but i’ve always missed it. i’d heard that people love seeing this scriptural metaphor played out, and that there are lots of great things about their presentation. but i’d also heard it has a bit of schlok-factor, and i was bracing myself for that.

but a funny thing happened. when the couple first came out, and she instantly started singing, and he instantly started shaping the clay, i suddenly got all emotional. i choked up and couldn’t sing along; tears formed in my eyes. i was reminded of god’s clear word to me this past may that he was in the process of shaping my heart. and the whole molding, shaping, leaning, pressing, and forming process was so resonant for me — such intimacy between the potter and the clay, such force. nothing delicate about this process. with this, i settled in to look past the schlok and listen to what god wanted to say to me.

but this didn’t last long.

i wish i’d had my noise-cancelling earphones, so i could have watched while listening to gavin bryars’ “jesus’ blood never failed me” or johnny cash’s “god” cd.

but halfway through the wife’s second song, i could tell the whole thing was a schtick for them. he had worked the clay up into a tall cone. and as she wound down her second song, he shaped it right back to it’s starting point. this wasn’t throwing a pot: this was acting. the potter stopped potting, and started preaching. it’s hard to remember a time i’ve heard so many christian cliches strung together. his wife laughed and looked startled on cue (but in a way that looked like someone off stage was cueing her). oh, and brian ferry was calling from the 80s and asking for his hair to be returned.

i know this sounds terribly shallow. and maybe i should have been able to look past all of this and listened to god. if only the guy had kept his hands on the clay. but what he was saying was so opposite of what i’ve come to love about my church. i love that my church does not encourage people to retreat from culture, but to embrace the world and be a transformative presence. i love that my church doesn’t spend much time drawing lines between “us” and “them”, but, instead, focuses on god’s grace for all of us, wherever we are in our journey (which happens to be the name of my church). this message was the opposite. he camped for a while on how the wrong company will corrupt us (not a wholy untrue statement if ‘can’ is subsituted for ‘will’), and went so far as to re-iterate: “if you spend time with people who do bad things, you WILL end up doing the same things — there is no way around this.” many of the people (most) in my church are fairly new believers, and they swalled this hook, line, and sinker. i was as frustrated with the speaker as i was with my fellow church-goers for their audible agreement.

the potter started telling their “testimonies”, filled with every cliche in the book (well, not in “the book”). in the process, he started poking fun at those who don’t believe, using humor as a way to sew a badge of ignorance onto those not in the way of jesus.

i was still thinking i could make it through — if he would just get back to the clay. he almost did: he walked around the wheel and picked up a smaller lump of clay, asking the congregation, “what do you see here?” he must not be used to audiences that speak (like ours does), because he looked startled when half the room said “clay”. he said, “ha — usually people don’t answer.” then he continued with the script: “just a few weeks ago, i asked that question, and the whole congregation looked at me silently, wondering what trick question i was asking. but a little boy in the front row said ‘clay’. folks, it’s the faith of a child that can speak the truth.”

“when you look at this, you see clay,” he continued. his wife nodded, thoughtfully. “but when i look at this, i see…” (at this point, he reached — without looking! — under the black draping surrounding the wheel, and pulled out a beautiful water jar, brightly colored and glazed, just as he dropped the punch line: “i see THIS!” the congregation actually gasped, as did his wife. “and the reason i see THIS, when you only see clay, is that I AM A PROFESSIONAL POTTER.” ok. i can see where he was going with this. and it’s not contrary to the biblical metaphor. but he was working awfully hard to put himself into the god-role. i should tell him that a magician’s cape might add a nice touch of flourish to that moment.

then he got to the part of their story where his wife ‘backslid’ for seven years. he said, “i’ll tell you how far she’d backslidden — when we first got married, she was into eastern religion!” she chuckled. the congregation gasped. i held my breath. he continued — with timing that only comes from 1000 deliveries: “i’d walk into the room, and she was all dingy, dingy, dingy, dingy” (at this, he assumed a meditation pose and swiveled his head around while making the dingy-dingy sound). huge laughter from the audience. the wife threw her head back and laughed hard. the husband smiled victoriously. and i began to shake. literally. i couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. and i noticed i was clenching my teeth so hard my jaw hurt.

this wonderful church is passionate about helping people experience the love of god. but this jerk was mocking people for their pursuit of god (even if that pursuit of god will leave them short of the fullness of life god wants for us), turning them into a comedy routine. my church loves to laugh (which is another thing i love about my church); but laughing at those we are trying to reach with the love of god? i couldn’t take it. this is a holiday weekend, and i’m sure our church was full of friends and family members nervous about being in church (our church is full of people like that most weekends!). i almost invited my spiritually-seeking (somewhat new-agey) cousin to join me this morning — grace of god that i forgot. any spiritual, but not christian, person in the audience — i have to believe — would never want to set foot in our church again.

i quietly got up, excused myself past the people in my row, and walked out. i’ve walked out of christian gatherings before — general sessions at conventions, seminars. but i’ve never walked out of church — especially my own church. i stood, shaking in the lobby, writing an email to my friend the teaching pastor, who was out of town this weekend. i couldn’t believe we would have these people back, knowing this is what they teach (he emailed me later today, telling me when he has seen them in the past, they’ve not done this).

i walked across the campus to the middle school room. my people. the middle school pastor had just begun talking about how god is more interested in our motives than our actions (taking the time to expertly unpack what a ‘motive’ is). ok, i could stay put.

bad speaking, i can live through. boring, i can deal with. passionate-but-simplistic, i can have patience. but rehearsed lines of theological damage — that i can’t tollerate.

wish i coulda seen the potter continue shaping that clay, like god continues to shape my heart.