if i stopped

if i was quiet for a minute
if i was calm
if i was still

if i turned everyone down
if i switched everything off
if i ceased looking everywhere all at once
if i was silent
if i was still

if i stayed at home
if i didn’t pick up the phone
if i was out even when i was in
if i was silent
if i was still

if i slowed
right
down

if i simply sat
here
there
anywhere

if i stood on my head
and emptied out the contents

if i stopped

would you be there
would you speak to me
would i be able to hear you
would it be worth it?

if i stopped
would it be long enough?

if i was silent
would i hear anything?

if i heard something
would i know it was you?

if i did
would i be interested?

if i was
would i stop again?

(Martin Wroe from ‘When You Haven’t Got a Prayer: A journalist talk to God’; ht to paul chambers)

sorry for the days of blog silence without warning. it snuck up on me. i was in grand rapids friday morning, when our email went down as part of a change-over to the zondervan/harper collins system. for those in the office, it was only down for a bit, but required some tweaks on everyone’s computer, and mine was with me. i flew out saturday morning (after going home to san diego to sleep) for texas, to attend jeremy bush’s wedding (jeremy’s the drummer in the crowder band, and a great guy and friend of ys) and start my quarterly 3-day mini-sabbatical/spiritual retreat/silent retreat. and when i found out monday that i could get the reconfiguration done over the phone, i decided it wasn’t very conducive to my retreat purposes, so stayed off-line. i haven’t seen email since friday noon (still haven’t, won’t until i’m in the office tomorrow morning), only used my cell phone to call home once, and haven’t been online until now (sitting in the houston airport).

(just had a youth worker from sacramento walk up and say hi. too weird. nice, but weird.)

anyhow, it was a great retreat, but i’m really missing my family. i read 3 books, slept a bunch, watched 6 movies, spent 2 hours (in 1 hour intervals) on a waverunner flying across lake conroe, sat silently and listened to god, and generally shut my stinkin’ fat mouth for 3 days. i’ll have more to say about it all tomorrow.