ohmygosh — being a massive 24 fan, and salivating my way through the first-half of the 4 hour premiere last night, this summary from dave barry made me laugh out loud:
FINALLY the football game is over. I hope everybody has visited the bathroom and is ready for some ACTION.
UPDATE: WE DON’T WANT THE SUBWAY POSTGAME SHOW. WE WANT JACK.
UPDATE: What the hell has Jimmy Johnson done to his hair?
UPDATE: Here we go. I pity the West Coast.
UPDATE: I hate the needle-to-the-heart part.
UPDATE: Jack is wearing a hard hat. They’ll NEVER penetrate that disguise!
UPDATE: The bastards shot former acting acting president Allstate Insurance Spokesperson!
UPDATE: They’re setting up a hard perimeter. That’s always good.
UPDATE: WHOA! Chloe has a boyfriend! He’s, like, 9, but still.
UPDATE: Frank’s hot new girlfriend does not seem quite so hot now that we get a good look at her. But she is a major upgrade from Audrey.
UPDATE: The new girlfriend’s surly teenage son looks alarmingly like Chloe.
UPDATE: Michelle is reminding Tony that they used to run scenarios. That is SO romantic.
UPDATE: They got Michelle! These people are dropping like flies.
UPDATE: Oral-B has a new toothbrush that looks genuinely scary.
UPDATE: Whoa. Edgar has not been skipping the Krispy Kremes.
UPDATE: NOW THEY’RE AFTER CHLOE. It’s like they want to wipe out everybody who had anything to do with the last season! And who can blame them?
UPDATE: New Girlfriend (NGF) to Jack: “I can’t thank you enough for all the work you’ve done around here.” Heheheheh.
UPDATE: Jack wants Chloe to go dark.
UPDATE: Jack got out his Secret Agent Kit! He’s baaaaaaccckk!
UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
UPDATE: The first lady is not taking this well.
UPDATE: Jack has commenced hitting people.
UPDATE: Jack is taking the NGF’s surly teenage son (STS) in the helicopter. It’s a chance for them to bond.
UPDATE: The First Lady says she is, quote, “not making this up.”
UPDATE: Edgar is the size of a two-car garage.
UPDATE: They’re not at speed! I hate it when people are after me and I’m not at speed.
UPDATE: Hey, Jack is stabbing now. Is that new? He was always more of a shooter.
UPDATE: Do NOT mess with Chloe.
UPDATE: The guy actually believed Jack wouldn’t shoot him! Obviously he has never seen this show.
UPDATE: At this rate, by the end of the second hour there’s going to be nobody left alive in Southern California.
UPDATE: Celebrity skating? Where will it end? Celebrity welding? Celebrity eye surgery?
UPDATE: Why are they showing the highlights of the first hour, which we JUST WATCHED??
UPDATE: Edgar ran it through a high-res filter. That’s exactly how I would handle it.
UPDATE: Chloe’s going to get Jack a schematic.
UPDATE: “Jack would never murder his friends.”
UPDATE: Edgar is jealous.
UPDATE: President Manilow is SUCH a wienerhead.
UPDATE: They launch in less than an hour! (Who the hell are they?)
UPDATE: Jack’s girlfriend is thinking she should have kept dating the plumber.
UPDATE: Chloe is reading the agents’ transponders. She is some woman!
UPDATE: “Relax. He’s really good at this.”
UPDATE: Jack is booted up, and Chloe is uploading to him.
UPDATE: Jack is a smooth talker.
UPDATE: You rarely see that kind of cleavage on a first lady.
UPDATE: Edgar found out that Chloe’s logged in remotely! With an external socket!
UPDATE: HEY! ASSASSINATED FORMER PRESIDENT ALLSTATE INSURANCE SPOKESPERSON IS ALIVE AND DOING COMMERCIALS!
UPDATE: I don’t like the looks of the bald guy with the accent and the guns.
UPDATE: At some point, even the FBI is bound to notice all the unconscious agents lying around.
UPDATE: There’s, like, dozens of agents after Jack. They have NO chance.
UPDATE: The girlfriend’s on the 210 at the 10.
UPDATE: Chloe is a stand-up gal.
UPDATE: Jack really does care.
UPDATE: Somebody is messing with the first lady’s mind, such as it is.
UPDATE: Edgar says there’s chatter! They’re sourcing it! The reliability’s approaching 95 percent!
UPDATE: Eventually the bald guy is going to punch President Manilow out.
UPDATE: I see guys like that in the Miami Airport all the time.
UPDATE: You watch. The airlines will claim this is a weather delay.
UPDATE: OHMIGOD! THE WEASEL ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT! HE’S IN ON IT!
UPDATE: Looks like there will be shooting tomorrow night.
OK, everybody take a handful of powerful sedatives and try to get some sleep. We’ll recap tomorrow. You’ll be on your own tomorrow night, but I think you have shown, in the comments section, that you are completely out of your minds up to the task.
(ht to dave barry)
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i will refrain from reading this until after i have watched last night’s episode’s currently awaiting my arrival home on the tivo. i missed the premier due to my having to take my lovely wife (who better love me dearly) to a bon jovi concert. richie sambuca was playing a pink guitar at one point. looked a lot like yours.Comment by patrick 01.16.06 @ 5:52 pm
That is stinkin’ hilarious!!! I’m still furious I forgot it was premiering last night … can I make the excuse that my wife was due to give birth a week ago and still hasn’t? I’m a little distracted … but I’m on board tonight.Comment by Matthew McNutt 01.16.06 @ 8:21 pm
I still can’t believe Palmer was shot….although I should have figured it out being that he has a new show coming out. Gotta love the crazy president’s wife(or is she crazy?!?!?!)-and while we are on the subject-why didn’t they shoot him off-he’s such an idiot! I am a self-confessed “24″ addict!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Comment by mary fran 01.16.06 @ 11:47 pm
simply amazing! as i ff through all commercials….i realize how much i love this show. although this is my first season watching through on tv. prior to this one…i’d rent it on dvd and plow through it all at once. this weekly suspense sucks!Comment by 01.17.06 @ 12:49 am
i love the fact that they did 4 hours in two nights!
it was greatComment by riddle 01.17.06 @ 12:06 pm
Great first 4 hours! I REALLY want one of those tote-bags jack is carrying around. That thing has everything in it!Comment by kj 01.18.06 @ 6:34 pm
I’m a total and complete 24 addict… have been since the first episode.
Unfortunately, my poor wife has to suffer with me. I now have Monday night meetings twice per month. Monday night I didn’t get home ’til 10:30 pm, but she still stayed up with me to watch both hours! (And she’s usally asleep by 9:30.) Thankfully she likes the show a lot too.
Kudos to Dave Barry for the best summary ever!Comment by Dan Roth 01.18.06 @ 9:42 pm
Dude… that is freakin money! Pam… who is all geeked about 24 now… loved it too.We bond more over 24 then… well.. church just makes us argue.Comment by Eric Venable 01.19.06 @ 4:33 pm
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That is awesome…best recap I’ve ever seen. The only problem we had here was that I am a moron who forgot to adjust TIVO after the game went long…so we missed the last 5 minutes. Anyway, I love that Tony and Michelle run a super security company (or something like that)…but are taken out by a car bomb in their driveway…doh!
But seriously…what’s up with Jimmy Johnson’s hair?Comment by Sean 01.16.06 @ 5:44 pm