fox newscaster gets flustered and GOES OFF on one of the cray-ladies from westboro church (the ‘god hates fags’ people). seriously — i think if they had been in the same studio, the phelps woman would have left the studio in pain. wow.

(ht to Kara Szyarto)

inspired by the bold move of turning best-selling book “your best life now” into a board game (which, apparently, happened a full year ago — i’m just slow), i’m proud to present this list of other christian book-themed board games. round up the family and good ol’ uncle jimmy dobson, and let’s get the dice a rollin’!

christian book board games you may not be aware of

the screwtape letters board game. looks suspiciously like chutes and ladders, but without the ladders.

the purpose-driven life game, “pacifying the mad killer” version. really, it’s just a copy of the book with a highlighted section to read, and a dvd of a kirk cameron playing a killer who’s taken you hostage.

the 21 irrefutible laws of the leader game. for kids 3 - 6. think whack-a-mole with irrefutible laws.

the revolve bible game. it’s really just a card deck of skinny teenage models, with verses printed on the back. kind of a bible memory thing for those who want to reinforce culturally damaging stereotypes of women.

every picture tells a story. what a rip-off. it’s just the original product — a stack of black-and-white pics in a box. obviously a lame attempt by the author and publisher to “repurpose” a product.

exclusion and embrace, the game. kind of like “conquest of the empires” or “risk”, but with super-deep theological insights. the instructions are barely readable without a graduate theology degree.

the left behind board game. it’s an empty box. it was raptured, and you weren’t!

the matthew henry commentary on the bible game. it’s pretty boring, really, but every young aspiring bible school student buys it from CBD because it’s just so darn cheap, and it looks great on the shelf.

a generous orthodoxy game. a game for everyone! rumored to be d.a.carson’s favorite secret pleasure.

yup, a second one this week! just had to. and it’s appropriate, since i’m in texas this week, the home of mega-pastor, best-selling author, joel osteen, progenetor of a theology that could best be described as jesus junk.

but osteen’s theology isn’t winning the award this month. nope, it’s way down the food chain from that.

ready? gather this kids around for this one…

the “your best life now board game“. i kid you not. i somehow missed this when riddle blogged about it a long time (shoot, even ingrid at slice linked to riddle without calling him names). but astute reader “J.H.” mentioned this little-piece-o’-heaven-in-a-box in a comment on my previous post, so i had to google it.

ok, i’m done for now. i have another post brewing thanks to this baby, though.

this ‘month’s’ award goes to… (drum roll)…

christian wireless service, from faithfone wireless. no, seriously. i’m not kidding.

here are a couple excerpts from their press release:

Phoenix – FaithFone Wireless™ a Phoenix based purpose driven Christian mobile phone company, began offering a cell phone service combining Faith and Family content. FaithFone Wireless is the first ever faith-based branded mobile phone service to offer Daily Devotionals, Bible passages, Prayer Of The Day, Life Advice, and like-minded entertainment content via (SMS) Text on a branded mobile phone handsets.

It’s a long time coming for the faith community to have a branded mobile phone service for individuals and families who are concerned about the type of content and messaging they consume daily says Larry Witherspoon Managing Director of FaithPhone Wireless Media, Inc.. According to the Bible, Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

um. i’m a bit speechless (wordless?) on this one. who knew that a cell phone could help me please god? apparently, the people at faithfone.

(ht to dave palmer)

omg, this blog completely is hilarious. yes, i think it’s a bit tongue-in-cheek. but the beauty of the thing is that i think it’s only PARTIALLY tongue-in-cheek. the blogger actually seems to care about the subject (in a quaint mainline kind of way). this post in particular totally cracked me up:

So I’m at an ordination today and I look across the church and see my dear colleague Who Shall Remain Nameless looking really very spiffy in a sports coat and tie and a nice pair of slacks and shoes. But he’s got his leg crossed and I see a wide expanse of WHITE GYM SOCK on his leg and I clutch my heart and fall over dead in the pew.

So I’m dead now. I’m writing this from the Hell of having seen a perfectly well-dressed man wearing WHITE GYM SOCKS with his outfit.

My sister said, and I quote, “That’s an abomination unto the Lord.”

I must agree with her. Gentlemen, for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, get some appropriate socks for when you dress up. And while we’re on the subject, male shins are not pretty. They are actually kind of hairy and scary (socks models being the exception to the rule). Please do not scare people by requiring them to look at your hairy leg over an insufficiently long sock. You’ll have to advise each other on this, because all I know is that there are man socks I think of as Old Hairy Shinned Man Socks and man socks that are attractive.

(ht to boar’s head tavern)

at my church, they’re in the midst of a teaching series on doubts. in a nice attempt at creating a bit more of a communication loop, they invited people to text message questions during the sermon — questions about points that needed more clarification, or about related doubts and questions. at various points during the sermon, the teaching pastor stopped and some of the questions appeared on the screen, where he read them out loud and took a stab at responding to them. it brought greater clarity to some of the issues being addressed, and brought up some great ancillary discussion. for a large church, this worked way better than having an open mic where people could ask questions, as it was substantially quicker, and allowed for some pre-screening of the questions. it also allowed people to ask questions who would not normally make their way to a mic to ask something in front of a room of 1000 people.

if a website (datetosave.com) to provide encouragement and networking for intentional missionary dating isn’t bad enough in itself, the content is either a killer parody or a hurl-inducing embarassment. i’m not totally sure, but i’m hoping it’s the former. please, please, please don’t be a real website.

here are some samples:

Doesn’t God look down on missionary dating and tells us to not be “yoked with unbelievers”?
I looked up yoked, and the dictionary says it’s a “A crossbar with two U-shaped pieces that encircle the necks of a pair of oxen or other draft animals working together.” I would never encourage anybody to do this on a date… I think the thing that is more important is that we should use our talents for God. If you’re really good at dating, or just really really good looking, then you should use that to bring souls to God.

What happens if the person I am dating becomes a Christian?
Praise God!!! That hasn’t happened to me yet (still just planting seeds!), but you have two choices: Dump him and start dating a better-looking nonbeliever… or keep dating the person you’re with now. I’d just see how hot he (or she) is and base the decision on that. The Bible says “man looks at the outward appearance; God looks at the heart.” We’re definitely not God, so just decide if your date is hot enough for you (after praying about it, of course).

(ht to mark helsel)

i thought this post on the CT blog had some interesting points about the conservative church’s prohibition against alcohol and tobacco, and the tacit endorsement of obesity. worth reading.

(ht to len evans)

adventures in missions is an amazing discipleship ministry, utilizing short-term missions and other means. i was on their board for five years, and have such a deep respect for their ministry, and their founder/pres seth barnes (who has a great blog, btw). when they launched their world race program a year ago, i was initially very skeptical, thinking it was gimmicky and potentially counter to the whole point of missions. but i got won over at some point, by the quality of the people involved, their deeper vision for this ministry, and the fruit of the work. i was won over long before i received these pics this week of a world racer named gary who sported his ‘i heart ys’ shirt in various exotic locales:

ok, so while i was writing the top ten frustrations of living the aforementioned christian subdivision, my mind kept going to ideas that fit better under the heading of benefits (though certainly tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek). so here they are:

10. no political signs on lawns, since everyone votes the same.

9. the only homo here is homogeneity.

8. zero pressure to witness.

7. mormon and jehovah’s witness doorbell ringers are swallowed up by mysterious sidewalk-crack-of-turin.

6. one school for every home (because they’re right there in the homes!)

5. your best lawn now.

4. the potential of being featured in a michael moore documentary.

3. no lawnmowers waking you up on sunday mornings.

2. cool signs that say “caution! children being raptured!”

and #1: purpose-driven curbs.