the end of ysmarko

May 26, 2009

this is a hard post to write, but an important one for me.

i’ve experienced some pretty significant a-ha’s in the past week or two, all around the sustainability of my lifestyle, my identity, and my most important relationships.

a month and a half ago, i started a leadership coaching process with john townsend. and i was asked to talked about myself at the first gathering. i wrote a bit about this on this blog (the whole plate spinning thing). since naming that, i’ve had a few more words to describe the dissatisfaction i’ve been feeling about my life; but i still felt way short of clearly understanding what i needed to do about it.

then, last week, on our ys leadership team retreat, we were spending some time talking about blindspots and roadblocks. to make a long story short, it became very clear to me that two things consistently eclipse the relationships and values that are actually most important to me (especially at this stage in life and work):
1. my family
2. the staff of youth specialties

the two imposters that constantly threaten (or supercede) the things that are most important to me are:
1. my travel schedule
2. being the voice of youth specialties (or, to put it in a more negative way, “nurturing my public persona”)

here’s a thought: our behaviors –> reveal our priorities –> which reveals our true values.

here are a couple photos i snapped in new zealand (ironically — mr. travel) of the “community lounge” on the back side of a church

i took these pics because i thought the sign and location of the “community lounge” said something significant about this church’s value of community. in other words: they might have a community lounge, but they don’t seem to actually value community.

this is a metaphor for why i’m making some big time changes.

i’ve been having a value stand-off, between what i say my values are and how i’m living my life. and it’s eroding (and threatening) my long-term happiness, and the life i really want.

let me get to the point:

1. i’m going to stop nurturing the whole “ysmarko” thing. which means, starting today, i’m going to stop using facebook (i’m planning on deleting my facebook account tomorrow), and stop twittering (i’m going to delete my twitter account tomorrow), and this is my last blog post on ysmarko (at least for the foreseeable future, though i’ll leave the blog sitting here for now).

2. i’m also reframing what “essential travel” is for me, which is allowing me to cut back 50 – 75% on my travel. i won’t be traveling internationally in the next year or two (or ever?), other than our canadian convention. and i’m cutting back on all other travel, other than a few truly essential things as well as family-related and personal stuff.

i know this is going to be hard in many ways, and i’ll likely go through some form of withdrawal. but i’m also excited about the new focus, extra time, and relational presence i expect to experience in the coming months.

i’ve enjoyed the interaction i’ve had with so many of you through this blog, and pray god’s blessing on you, as i ask you to do for me.

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the birthday that was

May 25, 2009

had a wonderful birthday yesterday. i slept in, and jeannie and the kids woke me up by singing happy birthday loudly from outside the bedroom. i couldn’t figure out why there were singing from outside the closed door; but they kept singing, more and more loudly and badly. turns out, they’d created a streamer woven barrier across the door opening, that i had to crash through (victory!). coffee was placed in my hand, and max gave me his gift: an extremely generous handmade coupon book filled with coupons for things like movies with him, meals with him, and other stuff (all at his expense). the kid has a wonderful combination of being good at saving money, and generous at giving it away.

then we got ready for the day, and hit the road. we went to my favorite breakfast place in san diego: kono’s. there might be fancier and tastier breakfasts in terms of the food; but kono’s is just the best all-around breakfast experience – a tiny little cash-only join in pacific beach (right at the base of crystal pier). their breakfast burritos are stunningly good, and their outside patio seating hanging over the beach (there were tons of surfers to watch yesterday) is the best restaurant seating in san diego.

then we walked up the beach a bit, and liesl gave me her gift: another coupon book. this one had 46 little coupon strips, most of which were for hugs or kisses. but there were lots of coupons for meals with her and dates with her. the funny difference between max’s and liesl’s is that liesl’s are coupons for her time — i’d still be paying for the meal or movie. i’m not complaining — time with my 15 year-old daughter: i’ll take it!

we drove to fashion valley mall, where jeannie gave me her gift — a beautiful message in a card, along with instructions to go to the tommy bahama store and pick out a shirt (i have an old one that’s pretty worn out, and had been wanting a new one). once we got in the store, and i started debating between a fun one and a conservative one, she told me to get two!

while at the mall — jeannie and the kids took me to two movies in a row (yeah, a double feature!). first, we saw terminator salvation (which i’d seen at a midnight movie wednesday night, but the kids didn’t know that), and night at the museum 2. with that, our family time was done, and we took the kids home.

then the adult portion of the day started! jeannie and i met two couple friends (the freeses and the palmers) at hoffer’s cigar bar for pre-dinner fun. then we went to the riviera supper club — it’s this funky steak restaurant with amazing steaks and a rat-packy vibe to it. but the unique feature of the place is that they bring your steak to your table raw. and there’s a massive grill in the middle of the dining rom, where you grill your own food. it was totally a kick. and we had bacon chocolate cake for dessert. seriously.

after that, everyone came back to our house for drinks and more laughter. good time.

what a great day!

happy memorial day everyone. enjoy the day off — and watch for a big announcement here tomorrow morning…

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“they say it’s your birthday… na-na-na-na-na-na-nuh-na”

May 24, 2009

some of you will get that post title, and some won’t. that’s fine.

however, today, i am 46. or, according to this site, i’m 8.25 in dog years.

it’s all fine and good and all that. but it’s funny what years strike you and which ones don’t.

30 was awesome for me. i was a junior high pastor, and didn’t feel like i had credibility with parents. somehow, turning 30 felt like it would help.

35 didn’t mean anything to me.

for some reason, 37 was a tough one. i remember thinking that there was no stretch of the imagination that i was, in any way, still a “young adult” (which was surely true long before 37; but it was only then that i realized it).

40 was fine with me.

45 was even fine with me, last year.

but 46 is weird. and it’s stupid — all subjective psychological perspective stuff. but it was only a few weeks ago that it struck me for the first time: i’m four years away from 50. which means i’m barely holding on to middle age even. i’m truly almost old.

none of this is all that big of a deal to me, really. but i do find it funny that i was totally fine with turning 45, and not quite so jazzed about turning 46.

that said, my love language is gifts all the way, so birthdays are always good.

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ys releases our first iphone app

May 23, 2009

a few months ago, a few of us from ys were in a meeting, thinking about ideas for our youth ministry publishing efforts. adam mclane was there. i don’t remember if it was adam’s idea or not (i think it was), but somewhere in the midst of that meeting, he got pretty stoked about trying to figure out how ys could create some helpful iphone apps for youth ministry. and in very little time, adam got it done.

as a result, the very first youth ministry iphone app is now in the apple iphone app store, and it’s a tweaked version of our “tough topics” discussion starter book.

here’s adam’s post from the ys blog:

tough-topics

Youth Specialties brings your favorite discussion starters to the iPhone and iPod. Now you can kick off discussions wherever you are, anywhere your ministry takes you. Turn downtime into relationship building time.

Tough Topics brings you over 600 thought-provoking questions that will challenge you towards a deeper understanding of the Bible, a richer relationship with God, and insight into his purposes in their lives.

Version 1.0 Features:

* 4 categories of topics: Psalms, Proverbs, Life & God, Jobs & Career
* Going deeper: Follow-up discussion suggestions and Bible references
* Favorites: Save your favorite questions to come back to later
* Recents: Easily go back to recently viewed questions

Troubleshooting:

If you experience any problems with Tough Topics, please leave a comment here or go to our troubleshooting area.

Buy and rate now!

Screenshots:

screenshot2screenshot3

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books that have shaped my thinking on youth ministry

May 23, 2009

a long time ago, i posted my opinion of the top 10 books that shaped youth ministry. some of those were books i was passionate about, but others were, well, just influential books. i’ve been working on a post for a while now of youth ministry books that have influenced my own thinking. i planned on fleshing it out quite a bit more, and likely adding more books.

but i’m tired of it sitting in my drafts! so here you go, without commentary!


Practicing Passion: Youth and the Quest for a Passionate Church, by Kenda Creasy Dean

The Godbearing Life: The Art of Soul Tending for Youth Ministry, by Kenda Creasy Dean

Contemplative Youth Ministry: Practicing the Presence of Jesus, by Mark Yaconelli

Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers, by Chap Clark

The Primal Teen: What the New Discoveries about the Teenage Brain Tell Us about Our Kids, by Barbara Strauch

Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers, by Christian Smith and Melinda Lundquist Denton

reviving ophelia, by mary pipher (and odd girl out, by rachel simmons)

how about you? what books have most shaped your thinking about youth ministry?

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reproducible youth ministry models and ym3.0

May 22, 2009

great little essay on reproducible youth ministry models and youth ministry 3.0 on the small town youth pastor blog:

Having a highly reproducible Youth ministry model = healthy youth ministry. Right?

I argue that the best youth ministry models are the models that aren’t reproducible. I think a youth ministry doesn’t have to subscribe to a corporatized youth ministry model and can still have a very sustainable youth ministry.

I wish some youth ministries and youth pastors would be more focused about being cultural missionaries and architects than trying to follow a youth ministry model which has a clear 2-D chart on how to build a healthy youth ministry.

There needs to be more of a focus on being missional, intellectual, and transformational. Youth pastors needs to get out of their office and go outside of the church to do youth ministry.

The problem is….(I am assuming here) that about 75% of American Evangelical youth pastors don’t have a clue how to 1) contextualize a youth ministry philosophy/model that reflects their current ministry and 2) think theologically. Youth pastors look to the mega-church youth pastors/mega youth ministry organizations to do this for them. We heavily rely on the youth ministry super-heros to do the work for us.

Why do you think so many youth pastors are completely confused and frustrated about Marko’s thesis in Youth Ministry 3.0? Marko didn’t give any acronyms or charts, which as a result left youth pastors dumbfounded and clueless. Marko in a very prophetic tone is deliberately challenging American Evangelicalism youth pastors to start thinking theologically and contextually about how to do youth ministry in the 21st century. Every youth pastor should be creating their own youth ministry model.

Let’s be honest…..American youth ministry has tried the highly reproducible-mecca youth ministry model and looks where it has gotten us?

Some denominations estimate that over 50% of their youth group graduates fall away from either their faith or their faith communities upon entering college.

DANGERS of A HIGHLY Reproducible Youth Ministry Model:

* Reproducible youth ministries inherently produce manufactured products of Jesus.

* Reproducible youth ministries come off as gimmicky and surfacey.

* Reproducible youth ministries become spiritually monotonous.

* Reproducibile youth ministries are all about their youth room and youth program. Their model is very “inside” Christian bubble way of doing youth ministry. They expect all the non-church kids to come to their church event.

*Reproducible youth ministries are spiritual safety programs for church kids. It becomes more about sin management than it does about being the Kingdom of God to the world.

* Reproducible youth ministries are driven by results. Models some times equate results with numbers and the size of the group. Repoducible YM model seek after multiplication. The implication is….that multiplication is a huge priority along with transformation.

* Reproducible youth ministries build a youth ministry machine which needs to be managed or else it will destroy the youth pastor. It is called burn out. The saying of: If you will build, they will come…is so true….. But there is a high cost to pay for it….which is the youth pastor’s sanity.

* Youth ministry models rarely considers how to get students into BIG CHURCH. Youth ministry models are typically all about the youth ministry and the youth pastor. Look at the mega church across the nation….they have seperate youth ministry services on Sunday.

I strongly believe that in 10 years we will not see any reproducible youth ministry models. Youth pastors will need to get better at thinking, observing, assessing, and implementing according to their context instead of stressing out about how to import a pre-packaged-non-contextual youth ministry model into their youth ministry.

I get it….bigger youth ministries need some type of structure and systematic way to organize their youth ministry beast, and models greatly help with that.

However smaller youth ministries (less than 70 kids) don’t need to be messing around with a highly producible model. I say if you are a smaller youth ministry figure out what you do well, and do it.

Highly reproducible youth ministry models will become obsolete. You can quote me there. What we will see more of, is more contextual youth ministries telling their story to the general youth ministry public about what they are doing and how they did it. Youth pastors can learn from other youth pastors youth ministry narratives and extrapolate themes and ideas, and not a structured model.

I think highly reproducible youth ministry models have robbed youth pastors of their creativity and theological ability. Highly reproducible youth ministry models have contributed to making many youth ministries across the nation all a like. I would like to see a lot of different youth ministries doing a lot of different things rather than doing everything the same.

Youth pastors need to learn how to think about youth ministry, rather than always concern with how to do youth ministry. There is a difference. Ideals and context shape practice. We need to focus on ideas and context, rather than always being concerned about practice.

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fun music meme

May 22, 2009

i’ve had this meme from time traveling cyndi in my post drafts for well more than a year. crazy. so, i’m gonna do it! yes, i am! now!

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool!

Opening Credits: dignity — bob dylan

Waking Up: take time — lenny kravitz

First Day At School: buena vista social club — buena vista social club

Falling In Love: bodysnatchers — radiohead

Fight Song: strangers — the kinks

Breaking Up: radiate — andy hunter

Prom: try — nelly furtado

Life: stormy weather — the pixies

Mental Breakdown: ancestors — bjork

Driving: almost over — elliot smith

Flashback: santa maria — gotan project

Getting Back Together: yellow taxi — the best of asia lounge

Wedding: daydreamer — donovan frankenreiter

Birth of Child: butterfly effect — steve scott

Final Battle: the tale of dusty and pistol pete — smashing pumpkins

Death Scene: invention — claude bolling (concerto for classic guitar and jazz piano)

Funeral Song: surfing with the alien — joe satriani

Remembrance Song: the silhouette of doom — ennio morricone (kill bill 2)

End Credits: cure for the itch — linkin park

if you read this whole thing, or if you knew at least three of the songs i listed, or if you’re just intrigued, consider yourself “tagged”!

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clear the air, not the room

May 21, 2009

home-image-01

yes, “clear the air, not the room” is the official slogan of gas-B-gon.

so, really, the junior higher in me could just not resist posting this thing. i’m sure there are people with medical issues that, ya know, just have to fart multiple times a day (well, i mean, come one, who doesn’t?); and maybe they really need a project like this. and the good people at gas b gon have both pillows (to sit on!) and “undergarments” with little filters in them.

here’s what the site says:

Being the center attention isn’t always a good thing.

You no longer have to be embarrassed by the untimely passing of intestinal gas among your friends or family. GasBGon has been designed and tested to adsorb the odor and sound of flatulence. Malodorous gas is a naturally occurring event, obviously affecting some people more than others. Yet, clinical studies show that the average person produces one to three pints of gas and passes gas 14 times a day.

but, really, the very best thing on the site are the testimonials. here’s one of ‘em:

Can you believe that this thing really does work? Pretty much I’ve been known for having to pull the car over when I’m driving cuz I let float some pretty mean ones but thanks to GasBGon, we could keep on driving.

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22 words

May 21, 2009

jon acuff (stuff christians like) recently posted about a blog called 22 words, with the tag line “experiments in getting to the point”. it’s really fun, and got me thinking. roughly tweet-length (twitter allows 140 characters, including spaces – the first sentence in this post is 22 words, and is about 135 characters). one difference here is that 22 words author abraham piper also allows himself one or two short follow up clarifiers, which is an interesting twist. many of the posts are “guest posts”.

here’s jon acuff’s guest post:

Call it sarcasm, irony, or satire—just don’t automatically call it ungodly.

When God asked Moses, “Is the Lord’s arm too short?” was he asking an arm length accuracy question or maybe being ironic?

here are a couple others i enjoyed:

2 kinds of biblical. We need to know which is which when we use the word.

1. Things commanded by Scripture. (Don’t murder, Be wise, etc.)
2. Things consistent with Scripture. (Home schooling, public schooling, etc.)

Confusing these creates legalism.

Juice+concentrate+water+citric acid+ascorbic acid+potassium metabisulfite=100% juice?

A guest post by Jessica Melling

Even natural ingredients in small quantities bring down the percentage.

For the sake of accurate labeling, I would happily drink 97.3% juice.

so let’s try this. give me a comment using this format, on the theme of youth ministry…

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conflict on teams

May 20, 2009

mark mains had an excellent post on the fuller youth institute blog recently about conflict on teams, based on a gallup management journal article called What Strong Teams Have in Common: The five sure signs of an excellent team.

here are the five commonalities they say exist on strong teams:

1. Conflict doesn’t destroy strong teams because strong teams focus on results.

2. Strong teams prioritize what’s best for the organization, then move forward.

3. Members of strong teams are as committed to their personal lives as they are to their work.

4. Strong teams embrace diversity.

5. Strong teams are magnets for talent.

in his post, mark focuses on that first one — the point about facing conflict. i’ve found this to be so true with the leadership team of youth specialties. we’re really found that our conflicts, when approached with grace and a curious perspective, deeply tied to a commitment to our mission and values, actually makes us stronger in the long run. conflict is good, and makes us better.

but the other four traits are important also, and i can’t help but think of how they apply to youth ministry volunteer teams. great stuff. how does this reflect the youth ministry team at your church?

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