ah, the narcisism of blogging
Tuesday November 14th 2006, 8:11 am
Filed under: blogs, humor

this is just an absolutely wonderful and hilarious commercial…

(ht to nate at super important blog)



up, up, and away; and, a good band name
Monday November 13th 2006, 2:32 pm
Filed under: personal, family

i’m in the airport. first time since my decision to take a one-year speaking sabbatical. but this is ys stuff, and it’s good. i’m flying to grand rapids to speak at zondervan’s sales conference tomorrow morning. then tomorrow afternoon i’m on to cincinnati for the 3rd national youth workers convention of the fall. then back to grand rapids next monday for a tuesday morning leadership team meeting, and home to san diego tuesday night. no family with me on this one, so it’s long. i had a great weekend hanging with family this weekend, though, and had a nice relaxing coffee date with jeannie this morning before she dropped my off at the airport.

on the way to school this morning, max was rambling on about some silliness or another, and mentioned something about liking invisible kitties. and it struck me that “invisible kitties” would be a great band name. the band would have to be three skinny, black-haired emo guys; and they would have to play pop emo music that sounded fun and jaunty, but was, lyrically, way-depressing, and deep, at least in an affected sort of way. the name of the group would be seen as both ironic, since “kitties” is so cute and cuddly, and the band would so clearly not be, and profound in a way no one outside the most core fans would really understand, as “invisible” would be open to all kinds of layered meaning.



thoughts for parents of young teens, episode 4
Monday November 13th 2006, 2:26 pm
Filed under: youth ministry, family, youth work

youth workers: feel free to use this in parent emails or newsletters. i’d appreciate a credit line.

Boundaries and Decisions

This research-proven truth may surprise you: Parents are still the number one influence in the lives of their teenagers. Many parents assume that with adolescence, the peer group takes the top influencer slot; or media; or something or someone else.

Here’s another fact that may surprise you even more: Young teens still want and need boundaries. Maybe you’re not surprised by the thought that they need boundaries; but the fact that they want them seems counter-intuitive to their regular spoken and unspoken demands for independence. Of course, unless said in sarcasm, you’ll never actually hear your student say, “Please, Mom, I want less freedom!”

You live this issue every day. Because the primary task of parenting a teenager is to foster healthy independence, the rub of boundary setting is in-your-face on a constant basis.

And it’s not that kids want (or need) a huge set of restrictions: instead, they want to know – with clarity – where the fences of their decision-making playground are placed.

Two extremes to avoid

The Cage. It’s very common for parents to be concerned about the world in which their young teen is growing up. It’s common – and good – for parents to be concerned about the fact that our culture is expecting kids to act older (and be exposed to “older things”) at a younger and younger age.

The good and appropriate motivation to protect your new teen, however, can easily result in an unhealthy restriction on growing up. Parents at this extreme, keep the boundaries on decision-making and independence so close that kids never (or rarely) have the opportunity to make any choices.

This extreme – more common among conservative Christians than among the general population – can stunt the emotional and spiritual growth of teens, keeping them from the essential learning that comes with good and bad decision-making.

Free-Range. The opposing extreme seems even more common these days, and is possibly even more destructive. This comes from the often-exasperated parent who says: “I don’t know how much freedom to give my teen. He seems to want complete independence, and his friends seem to have that already. Since I don’t know where to draw the line, I’ll give him what he’s asking for: almost complete independence.”

I’m saddened and occasionally shocked by how many 12 year-olds have complete freedom in every decision save the basics of life (shelter, food, rides to the mall). Increasingly, young teens are allowed, or even encouraged, to make every choice when it comes to things like: curfew, bedtime, music and movie intake, friendships, money-spending, clothing and appearance. I’m not suggesting a prudish or Amish approach to this list (anyone who knows me can vouch for that!). But remember what I said at the outset of this column: kids want and need boundaries!

The Goal

The challenging goal of parenting teens, then, becomes to provide ever-increasing boundaries, with freedom inside those boundaries to run wild and make decisions.

This is not just about maturation and growing up and becoming healthy whole independent adults (although that’s a pretty good list!). This is a spiritual task! For parents, this is a fulfillment of the spiritual task given to you by God: to raise whole and healthy independent adults (failure as a parent looks like a 28 year-old who is still dependent on his mommy).

It also has spiritual implications for your young teen: as she learns to make healthy decisions, in the semi-protected environment of the boundaries you set, she will gain courage and skill for the task of embracing a faith-system that needs to evolve and grow into her own.



parenting a 12 year-old girl
Saturday November 11th 2006, 2:32 pm
Filed under: family

an actual exchange from the other night…

me: “i like that shirt on you.”

liesl: “do you like it because you’re my dad and it gives me no shape?”



hot tub car
Saturday November 11th 2006, 2:32 pm
Filed under: humor

perfect for those chilly midwestern nights: you can literally soak in this working hot tub while driving this 1957 chevy. swim suit recommended, but not included.

car1.jpg

car2.jpg



blogging from the cincy NYWC?
Friday November 10th 2006, 11:05 am
Filed under: youth ministry, youth specialties, blogs, youth work

let me know, as i’ll be posting a list.



if bono were dead…
Friday November 10th 2006, 11:05 am
Filed under: humor

… he would certainly be turning in his grave.

this re-write of u2’s ‘one’, performed by two bank of america execs at an event celebrating the coming-together of some of their credit card divisions, well… i’m not sure i have words… um…

but, trust me, you gotta watch it.

(ht to bob carlton)



max comment
Friday November 10th 2006, 11:05 am
Filed under: humor, family

we were eating a wonderful dinner the other night of sauteed fresh veggies over brown basmati rice, and max (8) was struggling with the idea that he had to eat one small slice of yam. after a very long time at the table, he finally ate it.

jeannie said to me, “max just ate the yam, and didn’t complain or gag or anything!”

i asked him, “see, it was pretty good, wasn’t it?”

he responded, “well, i would eat it again if i had to; but i wouldn’t recommend it.”



a new island is born
Thursday November 09th 2006, 9:04 pm
Filed under: news

i find this completely and utterly fascinating, that a brand new island has just been born in the south pacific. and i love what this says about god and creation — that god invented a world that continues to re-create. creation isn’t over, folks! how cool is that!



war metaphors in youth ministry
Thursday November 09th 2006, 10:24 am
Filed under: youth ministry, faith, church, youth work

i’ve been complaining about this for awhile. but steve argue has a great, articulate article in the new issue of the journal of student ministries on this very subject, and it’s now available as a free download (in pdf form). here’s a tease:

War is everywhere. We can’t ignore this reality in our western comfort zone. War comes close thanks to instant news, relatives and friends serving in the military, and relationships with others around the world.

War is a reality in our world. And it’s not cool–unless you’re in youth ministry, it seems.